Social media use by children is a thorny issue for many parents. When should it be allowed? How much is too much? Which social media platforms are okay? And what limits on what a child can post and who they can interact with are acceptable? In a divorce, however, co-parents may routinely disagree about how best to raise their shared children, and this can extend to their child’s social media usage, as well.
Increasingly, alarms are being raised about the effect social media has on children, with the U.S. Office of the Surgeon General citing studies showing that “children and adolescents who spend more than 3 hours a day on social media face double the risk of mental health problems including experiencing symptoms of depression and anxiety.” Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt also ties rising rates of adolescent mental health issues to the ubiquity of smartphones and social media at younger and younger ages in his book The Anxious Generation. In this context, co-parents may well reach an impasse in which one parent insists on strict rules, while the other is more permissive, not wanting their child to feel left out. If no compromise is possible, it may be necessary to get the court involved.
- Factors to Consider in Deciding on Social Media Use by Children
- Common Disagreements Over a Child’s Social Media Usage
- What Are the Options When Co-Parents Can’t Agree?
Is Your Ex Putting Your Child In Harm’s Way?
Factors to Consider in Deciding on Social Media Use by Children
Given the popularity of social media, it is not a matter of if the issue will come up between divorced parents raising children together but when. Ideally, co-parents collaborate on acceptable conditions under which children can use social media, noting their shared understanding in parenting plans that can later be referred to if disagreements arise.
The primary issue parents should consider is the age of their children. Most popular platforms such as TikTok and Instagram have a minimum age requirement of 13 to set up an account. They should also consider the relative maturity of their children, though. A relatively immature child might benefit from a later introduction to social media—in fact, in his book, Jonathan Haidt even advocates for postponing social media use until age 16, though every child will be slightly different.
Other factors to consider involve setting boundaries around social media use. This is where many common disagreements between co-parents arise. Frequently, what seems reasonable to one may seem dangerously permissive (or overly restrictive) to the other. Knowing common points of contention can help anticipate and possibly avert conflicts.
Common Disagreements Over a Child’s Social Media Usage
While parents can disagree over something as basic as what age a child needs to be to use social media, arguments also arise over how the child uses it. This can include:
- Which social media platforms the child is allowed to use
- What type of content the child is allowed to post
- How much time the child is permitted to spend on social media
- What privacy controls are enabled
- What parental safety controls are enabled
- What access parents have to social media accounts (i.e., Does the child need to “friend” the parents or otherwise allow them to see posts? Will the child be required to share passwords so that parents can review any private messaging as well as publicly posted content?)
Keeping children from being sucked into social media algorithms that encourage them to spend endless hours scrolling isn’t the only motivation for putting limits in place. Unrestricted social media use can put them at risk of seeing inappropriate content such as violence or pornography or expose them to online predators. Parents are strongly encouraged to not merely rely on technology like parental controls but also to actively monitor their child’s social media use and screen time to ensure their child’s safety. Discussions over social media limits should focus on what is best for the child’s well-being rather than prioritizing parental preference.
What Are the Options When Co-Parents Can’t Agree?
In situations where parenting relationships are not cooperative, sometimes co-parents will take a “parallel parenting” approach, where they maintain different rules in each house and acknowledge that they can’t control what goes on during the other parent’s time with the children. However, this strategy may not be effective in the case of social media if one parent’s lack of restrictions exposes children to safety or mental health risks, or if the other parent’s complete ban cuts them off from their social network part of the time. If co-parents cannot reach an agreement, then it may be necessary to seek a court order to enforce reasonable limits for the child’s social media usage.
Keep in mind that the governing principle behind child custody issues in California is what is in the best interest of the child. Parents seeking a judge’s ruling on what should and should not be allowed must be prepared to provide evidence of the negative impact using (or not using) social media has on the child. For example, if the issue is excessive time on social media, showing that the child is failing to get necessary schoolwork done or is skipping extracurricular activities due to their social media usage can help illustrate the problem.
If a parent feels they have no choice but to seek the court’s help in regulating their child’s use of social media while they’re in the co-parent’s custody, it is best to enlist the aid of an experienced family law attorney. This improves the odds of presenting an effective case that produces the desired outcome.
Expert Guidance for Child Custody Issues in Silicon Valley
Co-parenting with your ex is frustrating when you feel their choices are putting your child in harm’s way or stifling their growth, and they refuse to listen to your point of view. From social media usage to custody rights, the compassionate attorneys at Hoover Krepelka can help you look out for your child’s well-being when you feel you aren’t being heard. To schedule a consultation, fill out the form below today.
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