Mental Health & Divorce
Domestic violence isn’t always physical. In fact, some of the most harmful forms—like emotional abuse or financial control—leave no visible scars but deeply impact a victim’s freedom and self-worth. California law now recognizes these subtle but damaging patterns, known as coercive control, as a form of domestic abuse.
Coercive control in divorce can feel like an inescapable trap, but it is not.
When somebody imagines an abusive marriage, they often jump immediately to physical violence, seeing the classic picture of a battered spouse in their mind’s eye. But that ready assumption of what domestic violence “looks like” can blind us to what it really is: behavior intended to exert control and power over a partner in an intimate relationship. Many types of domestic violence don’t involve an abuser ever laying a finger on their victim, but the harm they cause is no less damaging because of it.
More subtle forms of abuse, such as emotional abuse and financial control, tend to start almost unnoticeably, with incidents that are easy to explain away or that seem innocuous. Over time, they escalate, eroding the victim’s self-esteem and confidence and robbing them of autonomy, until it feels impossible to escape their abuser.
Until relatively recently, it could be extremely difficult to prove that actions which never rose to the level of physical violence should be considered domestic abuse. In 2021, however, California amended Family Code § 6320 to include coercive control, “a pattern of behavior that in purpose or effect unreasonably interferes with a person’s free will and personal liberty,” within the definition of domestic violence. Understanding the rights and protections a victim is entitled to under California law is critical for obtaining effective relief and safely exiting the relationship.
Coercive Control in Marriage & Divorce
Coercive control in divorce is a particularly insidious type of abuse, because it disempowers the victim through the overall actions of the abusing spouse, any one of which might not seem overtly abusive in isolation. They may isolate their spouse from their family and friends, ensuring they are cut off from their support network, perhaps under the excuse that they want the victim’s time and attention all to themselves. They may excessively monitor the victim’s activity, even to the extent of using technology to track their movements or spying on or controlling their online and social media accounts.
They can criticize and put the victim down, humiliating them in front of others or making jealous, baseless accusations. They may also resort to gaslighting the victim, insisting they’re overreacting if they object to mistreatment or denying their memory of facts or events. These controlling behaviors develop slowly over time, until the victim is unsure of how they got to a situation where they’ve lost their autonomy, much less how to escape it.
Financial abuse is almost inevitably a key component of the tactics a controlling spouse uses to keep their victim under their influence. As noted by California’s Department of Financial Innovation and Protection, financial abuse affects nearly 99% of total domestic violence cases. Lacking access to the economic resources necessary to support oneself independently is a key reason victims have trouble leaving abusive relationships, and those who do manage to break free can be left with serious debts that prevent them from building financial security.
Signs of unhealthy financial control in relationships can include:
- Withholding financial information
- Restricting access to financial resources, such as not allowing the victim to use credit cards or bank accounts and putting them on a strict allowance
- Limiting the victim’s ability to work, not allowing them to work, or sabotaging their career advancement
- Forcing the victim to take on debts or fraudulently opening accounts in their name
- Excessive monitoring of the victim’s spending habits
- Withholding resources for necessary expenses like food and clothing
Again, financial abuse often does not develop all at once. It could start with the spouse “generously” offering to manage the couple’s finances, perhaps with the insinuation that the victim is bad with money and needs to be guided. By the time the victim realizes how bad the damage is, they can face significant obstacles to regaining their financial independence.
Protecting Yourself When You Seek Divorce
It is well known that trying to leave an abusive marriage is a period of heightened risk for the victim, and an abuser focused on controlling them completely may escalate their behavior to punish them. An abused spouse should seek practical support and advice to safely leave the marital home, professional support to begin healing from the trauma of emotional abuse, and legal support to help prevent the abuser from continuing to harass them after separation.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline is a key resource where victims can speak to advocates about their situation, find referrals to local providers for essential services, and get information they need to protect their safety. Locally, Next Door Solutions for Domestic Violence, the only stand-alone domestic violence agency in Santa Clara County, has a 24/7 hotline, walk-in crisis counseling, housing solutions, and supportive services to help domestic violence victims escape crisis situations and establish safe, stable new lives.
In addition to consulting groups that can help provide practical advice and assistance, victims should also seek the advice of a licensed therapist. The psychological damage inflicted by coercive control can leave victims with little sense of self or self-worth; suffering from anxiety, depression or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD); and enduring lasting effects on their mental and physical health. The assistance of a knowledgeable therapist is critical for not only overcoming the trauma of past abuse but also fostering the psychological resilience necessary to navigate the divorce process.
Because coercive control is legally recognized as a form of domestic violence in California, victims can seek a restraining order to prevent unwanted contact, provide spousal and/or child support, and more. To grant a permanent restraining order, the court will hold a hearing in which the victim will need to provide convincing evidence of the abuse. A family law attorney experienced in cases of coercive control is critical for presenting a persuasive case and for providing advice on what protections the victim should seek to prevent further harm by their abuser.
Possible Implications of Financial Control for Divorce Settlements
Past financial control can present one of the most difficult challenges for a victim’s ability to build a new, financially stable life. The effects of financial abuse can affect the outcome of spousal support and property division in divorce. Finding a qualified and trained family law attorney is the first step to helping protect the victim from financial ruin as a result of their spouse’s actions.
For example, Family Code § 4320 lays out the factors to be considered in ordering spousal support, including a documented history of domestic violence. If an abusive spouse prevented the abused spouse from working, they can be ordered to provide a higher level of support, especially if their victim would be unable to ever make up the lost ground necessary to support themselves. Additionally, Family Code § 6342.5 recognizes that some marital debts may have been “incurred as the result of domestic violence and without the consent of a party,” giving the court the power to assign those debts solely to the abuser. The remedies available depend on the exact circumstances of a victim’s case, making it essential to consult an expert family law attorney as soon as possible to ensure that the victim receives the assets and support they’re entitled to under the law.
Domestic Violence Attorneys in Silicon Valley
Coercive control in divorce can feel like an inescapable trap, but it is not. The knowledgeable, compassionate family law attorneys at Hoover Krepelka understand the financial and emotional fallout caused by less overt forms of domestic violence, and we can provide the strong legal representation you need to break free. We’re here to protect the safety, well-being, and long-term financial security of you and your children. To schedule a consultation, fill out the form below today.
FAQS
What is coercive control in a marriage?
Coercive control is a pattern of behavior used to dominate a spouse through threats, isolation, or manipulation–often without physical violence.
How can financial control impact a divorce settlement?
It can affect asset division, spousal support, and may be considered when awarding compensation or legal fees.
What legal protections exist for emotional and financial abuse in divorce?
Courts may issue protective orders and consider abuse when determining custody, support, and property division.
