As parents about to divorce, you will spend a lot of time thinking about how you will split time with your kids. When you do this, it is crucial to remember that not all dates are equal.
Specific days each year have much more significance for people, and some are particularly important to your kids or your family.
For example, Christmas is massively important for most children, but not every child has a birthday on November 4. A religious date of importance to you may be of no consequences to your spouse.
Here are some ways you might handle things:
Set a weekly routine and stick to it regardless
Let’s say you decide the kids alternate weeks equally between the two houses. If your son’s birthday falls when they are with you, they celebrate it with you. If Christmas falls when they are with your spouse, they spend it with them.
It can work, but your child might be sad not to see both parents on their birthday or Christmas.
Split special days in two
Many children celebrate Christmas in two houses, regardless of whether their parents are together. They see one set of grandparents, aunts, uncles and cousins for lunch and the other side of the family in the evening. So if people live close enough, this could work well when you divorce.
You can do the same on birthdays. If your child is staying at your co-parent’s that week, arrange to take them out for brunch, and let your partner throw them a party for school friends in the afternoon.
Divorcing does not necessarily mean you and your spouse cannot stand the sight of each other. Many divorced couples get on well enough to spend a few hours together for the sake of their kids.
Only you know how good your relationship is. Getting help to examine custody options increases the chance you reach solutions that make important dates more enjoyable for your kids.