Harassment & Divorce
Technology should connect us, not control us. But in divorce or toxic relationships, digital harassment is becoming an all-too-common form of abuse. From threatening messages to online surveillance, these behaviors can leave victims feeling helpless. Fortunately, California law offers protections, and knowing your rights is the first step to reclaiming your peace.
If you’re being subjected to digital harassment by your ex, you do have legal remedies available.
Technology has made it easier to communicate and connect than ever before. Unfortunately, in the context of a dysfunctional relationship or a divorce, the same technological tools that facilitate wanted contact can become potent weapons in the hands of one partner bent on punishing the other. Digital harassment can take many forms, but the aim and result are the same: the perpetrator attempting to exert control over their victim, making them feel exposed, powerless, and terrified.
A spouse subjected to online harassment from their ex may despair, because physical separation is not enough to keep the perpetrator from watching or persecuting them. However, there are steps victims can take to reduce the risk of becoming a victim of technology abuse as well as legal protections available to curtail abusive behavior. In addition, several forms of digital harassment are considered crimes in California, giving victims another avenue to fight back against their abusers. Having family law counsel experienced in cases of digital harassment helps ensure that you know your rights and can access the legal means available to protect your peace.
Technology Abuse in Marriage and Divorce
Technology abuse (also known as digital abuse or technology-facilitated abuse) is the use of technology, social media, and the internet to bully, stalk, harass, or control someone. Examples of technology abuse include:
- Cyberstalking – Excessively surveilling a spouse online, gathering information from social media accounts such as Facebook, Instagram, X (formerly Twitter), and more, and using it to intimidate, embarrass, or threaten them. This may involve the creation of a burner account (fake account) to continue stalking their ex if they have been blocked or unfriended. In other instances, a spouse may illicitly use the victim’s passwords to gain access to their email, social media, or other accounts.
- Online defamation – The abuser lashes out on social media, using digital platforms to share private information, create rumors, or falsely accuse the victim of misconduct, seeking to harm their spouse’s reputation. This can also involve the creation of fake accounts to post damaging and/or false information.
- Harassment – Sending offensive, threatening, and/or excessive messages through digital channels such as texting, emailing, and social media.
- GPS monitoring – Using GPS-enabled digital devices or spyware to track someone’s movements and activities without their consent.
- Revenge porn – Posting sexually explicit or revealing images or videos of the victim on the internet without their consent, with the purpose of humiliating and hurting them.
When technology abuse occurs in divorce, it may be a continuation of abusive behavior that already existed in the marriage, or it may be a new development from a spouse who is angry or bitter over their partner’s wish to end the relationship. Some types of technology abuse may be committed with the goal of influencing the court’s decisions on child custody, child or spousal support, or property division, or to force one partner into a disadvantageous agreement to end the harassment.
Whatever the motivation, this abusive conduct is unacceptable. It is essential for victims to seek out support, take steps to protect their online privacy, and get skilled legal representation to explore their legal options for combating it.
Protecting Your Digital Privacy During and After Divorce
While it can be nearly impossible to proactively shut down the threat of online bullying or defamation by an ex, there are steps someone ending their marriage can take to otherwise protect their digital privacy from a vindictive ex. This includes:
- Changing passwords to all accounts, including email, social media, financial, etc., as well as the PIN or unlock codes for any digital devices such as cell phones or tablets. This can help prevent unauthorized access. Consider setting up additional security screening, such as two-factor authentication or face recognition, for added protection.
- Review any apps that may track and/or share your location data and either disable that feature or change your privacy settings. Examples can include everything from specific tracking apps like Find My Phone or Life360 to social media apps to fitness apps like Strava.
- Changing your privacy settings on all social media accounts so only friends can view your content, and so you can’t be tagged in photos or location check-ins without your knowledge. Even with these steps, it is not safe to assume that anything posted on social media will remain confidential; be extremely judicious about anything you choose to post.
- Checking all internet-enabled “smart” devices such as speakers, doorbells, security cameras or systems, thermostats, etc., and changing the passwords to restrict access. These can serve as unexpected backdoors into your information or activities if your ex can still log in.
- Being alert for the possibility that a tracking device such as an AirTag has been placed on your car, your belongings, or your children’s belongings to monitor your location. Apple devices and Android phones can provide alerts if an unknown tracker that has been separated from its owner is traveling with you.
- Checking your children’s devices for spyware and ensuring that your ex cannot access any of your accounts from them.
- Discontinue the use of shared accounts such as streaming services, cloud storage, or shopping sites until accounts can be canceled and reestablished in your name alone. These sources can contain valuable personal information that could be exploited.
It is not advisable to simply delete all your accounts in the hope of preventing digital harassment. The content of those accounts can be considered evidence in a divorce, and destroying them can be interpreted as an attempt to conceal damaging information rather than trying to avoid abuse.
Legal Consequences of Digital Harassment
If you’re being subjected to digital harassment by your ex, you do have legal remedies available. When they are airing information about your divorce or defaming you online, you can request a suppression (or gag) order that prevents them from publicly posting about you or the case. They may also be ordered not to post pictures of or share information about shared children in the relationship. In situations where their online behavior is directly threatening and you have fears for your safety, you can also request a restraining order that prevents them from contacting you through any digital channels. Violating such orders can have serious consequences in court, including being held in contempt of court, fined, or even serving jail time.
Depending on the nature of the harassment, it can be difficult to connect it to your ex, especially if they are masking their identity online through burner accounts or other means. It may be necessary to hire a digital forensic expert, who can use specialized tools such as imaging software to find proof of what is connected to the perpetrator. Victims can assist these types of investigations by documenting their abuse as thoroughly as possible, noting times and platforms, taking screenshots, and most importantly, not deleting information in their control (such as texts, direct messages, and emails) before an expert can review it.
Specific acts of digital harassment are illegal in California, including hacking or gaining unauthorized access to someone else’s accounts, cyberstalking, GPS tracking without someone’s consent, and revenge porn. If your ex has crossed the line into criminal behavior, you should thoroughly document the evidence and contact law enforcement. Your local district attorney’s office internet crimes division may be able to provide additional support to hold your ex accountable for their actions.
Protecting You from Digital Harassment in Divorce in the Silicon Valley
Having an ex stalk, defame, or harass you online can turn the already difficult process of getting a divorce into an intrusive nightmare. The expert family law attorneys at Hoover Krepelka are experienced at dealing with cases of technology abuse, including working with digital forensic experts who can connect the dots to provide compelling digital evidence in court cases. We can provide essential guidance and assertive representation to safeguard you from technology abuse as you end your marriage. To schedule your consultation, fill out the form below today.
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FAQS
What is digital harassment in a relationship?
Digital harassment involves using technology, like texts, emails, or social media, to control, intimidate, or threaten a partner.
How do I protect my digital privacy from my ex-spouse?
Update all passwords, enable two-factor authentication, and review privacy settings on your devices and accounts.
What legal steps can I take against online stalking?
You can report the behavior to law enforcement and seek a restraining order or protective order based on your state’s cyberstalking laws.
